We Won't Give Up
by MyVersion41319
Summary: "I promise, Kate. One way or another we are going to be parents." Set mid season 6. No Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Castle was sitting at his desk attempting to get some work done, but as usual he was completely distracted. It started out as taking notes on the case they had just closed, but ended up being nothing more than messing around on the internet. He was relieved when he heard the front door shut. If Kate was home, he could call it a night and give up completely on work.

"I'll be right out," he called from his office as he saved and shut down his laptop.

There was no answer, but he didn't think much of it and headed to the living room. Kate was standing just inside the door and appeared to be completely frozen in place. She looked as if she was about to just crumble to the floor.

"Honey?" Castle had no idea what could have happened. When he left the precinct to let her finish the paper work all was well. They caught the killer, and everything was fine.

She still didn't respond but simply took a few steps towards him. She stopped suddenly and stared at the floor. Rick closed the gap between them, and she practically flew into his arms. He quickly pulled her close and encompassed her in his embrace. Neither one of them said anything and just held each other for a long moment.

Finally, Castle took a deep breath and asked, "What happened?"

Once again Kate didn't say a word, only slightly shook her head. He squeezed her tight and gently pushed her back so he could see her face, but she stayed latched on to his forearm refusing to break contact.

"Let's sit," he said guiding her to the couch.

"I lied the other day. When I told you I was going to meet my dad for lunch, I lied," Kate finally spoke up.

"Ok," he said questioningly.

"I went to the doctor's."

"Kate, I need you tell me what's going on." Castle went from worried to completely panicked.

"I thought I was... well I was. I wanted to be sure before I told you. I had this whole thing planned out in my head. I was going to top your proposal. You would have loved it."

"Loved what?" He asked out on breath.

"I thought I was pregnant," She nearly whispered.

He didn't say anything just pulled her over the small space that was between them and into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He leaned back against the couch, and she leaned against his chest. After about 5 minutes, she pulled it together and was able to explain what happened.

"I took 3 tests. They were all positive."

He squeezed her shoulder wordlessly trying to be strong for her.

"I wanted to tell you right away, but I wanted it to be special. I didn't want to just run into the room and yell 'I'm pregnant," She explained."So I made an appointment and came up with a story."

"Lunch with your dad. Good cover," he said with a smile.

"I was so nervous when you asked if I wanted you to come."

"Come to think of it, you did seem a little twitchy."

"I'm not so great at lying to you," she admitted.

"I can't say I'm complaining about that," Castle said with a laugh.

"I answered all the doctor's questions, and she took blood. It all seem good."

"But?" He asked rubbing his hands up and down her arms soothingly.

"When she called the next day, she said my hCG levels were high enough to indicate I was pregnant but lower than normal at this stage," Kate explained.

"What does that mean?"

"She said to try not to worry about it, and I would have to come back for another blood test."

"Ok"

" So I went back yesterday, and she called just now when I was leaving the precinct... It was even lower."

"So you're not pregnant?" Rick asked confused.

"I had a miscarriage. I wasn't... I wasn't far enough along for any of the normal signs or symptoms."

He just sat there in complete shock. He had no idea what to say. He didn't even know what he was thinking. All he knew is that he hurt, so he held her a little tighter and tried to work through it.

"They... They can be sure? Just from a blood test?" He stuttered out after a moment.

"I wasn't far enough along for an ultrasound or anything. We only caught it at all because of when I had the test. Supposedly this kind of thing happens a lot for all kinds of reasons."

"I'm so sorry," He offered kissing the top of her head.

"For what? If anything I should apologize."

"Kate, No! This is not your fault," he immediately said turning her so they were facing each other.

"I know," she practically whispered. "I didn't tell you after the first test because I still had hope it would all be ok."

"It will one day. We'll try again."

"I'm 34, Rick."

"So? We have time." He reached out and took both her hands in his.

"Not a lot."

"We don't need a lot."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?" Castle pushed. He had stopped letting her back down a long time ago.

"It's just... I don't know."

"You are by no means too old to have a child. Not at all."

"I know. I just wish the doctor could tell me why this happened."

"She can't? Maybe she could do more tests."

"She said that this happens in the beginning stages of pregnancy a lot more than people know. Most women don't even realize that it happened. They don't know they were pregnant at all."

"But you knew?" Castle smiled.

"I downloaded that stupid app. The one that tracks your periods and ovulation schedule. It lets you know right away if you're late."

"I thought you were joking. That's a real thing?"

"It's on my iPad," she laughed as he reached for her phone on coffee table.

"I guess there really is an app for everything."

"I'm impressed it worked."

"I don't know if I'm impressed or freaked out."

"It is kind of strange," she shrugged.

"Are you okay? I mean physically," he blurted out. The thought suddenly dawning on him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't... I didn't really feel anything," she said finally letting tears fall. Despite everything they have been through and how far they've come, she still hated crying in front of him.

"I promise, Kate. One way or another we are going to be parents," he whispered reaching up to wipe her cheek.

"I love you."

"Love you too. So much, Kate, so much."

* * *

**So I got this idea in my genetics class the other day. I'm nerd who seems to think Castle and Beckett going to a genetic counselor and trying to have a baby would be fun to write. Yeah, not so much fun as heart breaking. I'm not sure why I chose this as my starting line. Any one who has read anything else I've written knows I'm an awful updater. My apologies again. Any and all medical information is based off a combo of class notes, Google, and Grey's Anatomy. I'm an undergrad premed student. I would love to hear what you thought of this story. Reviews are awesome. Feel free to share all opinions and thoughts good and bad.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Meagan**

**Better late than never: I don't own Castle in any way, shape, or form except in my dreams.**


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry about the delay

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

Castle wasn't sure what woke him. The only thing he knew was Kate was no longer next to him in bed. He could see the light on in his office through the open door. He just laid there a moment until he heard the soft taping of keys through the silence. He wondered how many times Kate had woken up to the same situation, but for him it was weird to be on the other side. Castle got up and headed in to see what she was doing.

"Kate," he said quietly as he took in the sight. She was sitting at his desk wearing leggings and his clearly oversized t-shirt. When she turned he could see the tear tracks on her face and the redness of her eyes. He then noticed the bunched up tissues scattered on the desk top.

"Hey," she breathed barely audible.

"What're you doing?" He asked as he walked over to her.

"Research."

"Honey, I thought you were going to call the doctor and ask her. All this internet garbage is just going to freak you out. It's not accurate."

"I'm using reputable sites."

"Still..."

"I couldn't sleep."

They had laid awake together in bed for almost two hours before either one of them could even think about sleeping. Unfortunately, it was not the usual way they kept each other up at all. There were whispers, soft touches, and comfort on both sides. They were both pretty torn up by the day's events.

"You could have woken me," Castle said stepping behind her chair to massage her shoulders but more accurately to see the computer screen.

"I know... I just needed to check a few things out."

"What have you found?"

"This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. I didn't realize the risks were so high. Even if I get pregnant, chances of having a healthy baby-"

"What do you mean?" He interjected cutting her off.

"Castle, do you have any idea how many different problems our child could have? It's... it's terrifying."

"We talked about this. You, we, are not too old to have kids. You're only 34, Kate."

"I'm not talking about age. I mean in general. There are a ridiculous amount of genetic diseases and defects we could give our child."

"That doesn't mean that we will. People have healthy children every day."

"I know... I just didn't realize all the things that could go wrong."

"It's going to be fine. Stats and lists are scary. Think about real life, all the healthy babies you've seen."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Come on. Let's go back to bed."

* * *

"I want to see a genetic counselor," Kate announced the next morning when she sat down at the kitchen island.

"Hmm?" Castle questioned looking up from the paper.

"I was thinking last night, and I want to go see a genetic counselor. Learn about our chances for passing on bad genes."

"Kate"

"Please, I know last night you said everything will be fine, but I could really use some evidence for that."

"You know they can't guarantee things one way or the another."

"I know, but I need some peace of mind."

"Yeah, ok. We can go if you want," Castle relented. He was a little terrified of what they would find out. He wanted to know, but the concept of their child being sick was too much for him to think about.

"Thank you." Kate stood up and gave him a gentle kiss. "I gotta go, if I'm late for the little department meeting thing Gates will flip."

"Play nice."

"I don't understand why we even have these monthly things. All we do is eat donuts and zone out while Gates rambles on. It's stupid and stereotypical."

"I'll see you later," he said standing and kissing her again.

"That's another thing. You should have to suffer too. I don't want to hear any of her 'real cops only' crap," Kate said with air quotes forcing a chuckle out of Castle. He was happy to see her a little lighter this morning, but he could still see the sadness in her eyes. Rick knew for the next 10 hours, she would be neatly packing that sadness away. At least, he hoped it was only for that long. He didn't care if she hide things away at the precinct. Today, he certainly would be too. As long as she opened up at home, he was good.

* * *

"Good morning, Detective," Castle said with a smile handing Kate her coffee."

"Thank you," she replied taking a sip.

"How was the meeting?"

"Not too bad. It was actually pretty short."

"Good. Just paper work today?"

"Unless a body drops, yeah. But come on I want to talk to you," she said standing up. They headed into the empty break room, and she closed the door. "I called Dr. Wade and got a recommendation for a genetic counselor. So I made an appointment for 2 weeks from now. It was the first one they had open."

"What did she say when you asked?"

"She tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary. She wants me to come back to her and get some fertility tests done first. You don't need to cause of Alexis."

"But you still made the appointment?"

"I made one with Wade too."

"Ok good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. We should do this right. I want answers too. "

"We're going to get to them."

* * *

"Do you want me to go with you?" Castle asked two days later when Kate was getting ready to go her appointment with Dr. Wade.

"No, I'll be fine. You get to come to the next one."

"I was thinking about that. I don't know how helpful that is going to be," he said sheepishly.

"Why? I thought you were ok with it."

"I am. It's just... You want to see a genetic counselor, Kate."

"Yeah?"

"He's going to need our family history to figure a lot of things out."

"Yeah?" She wasn't understanding his issue.

"We are going to be short on info for an entire fourth of our child's gene pool."

"What? ... Oh Rick," she said apologetically and wrapped her arms around him. He squeezed back and allowed himself a moment before he spoke up.

"I have a point. I could be a carrier for all kinds of genes, and we would never know."

"I'm sure they deal with things like this. I mean I'm having trouble tracking down details about my family."

"Yes, but you at least know who they are. I have no idea who my father is. Let alone his medical history. What if he has Cystic Fibrosis or something? We would never know."

"It's okay. It's going to be fine. We'll let the doctors figure it out. We don't even know that we have a problem," she said gently.

"But... when did you get so calm? This was your idea."

"Dr. Wade brought up a lot of good points on the phone. Talked me down, I guess."

"Yeah... Ok... Good," he stuttered.

"Castle"

"I'm sorry. I just when you brought all this up I was just thinking about us, about the baby, I didn't think about myself."

"We have to wait and see the results of my fertility tests before we go see anyone else. Maybe we won't have to go."

"What? What do you mean?"

"If I can't have kids then what does the rest matter?"

"Kate"

"No, Castle. It's true."

"But you can't think that way."

"I'm just trying to be realistic."

"Didn't Dr. Wade say we were overreacting? That we should have given it more time."

"Yeah, but ..."

"Ok let's stop. Both of us. Just stop thinking so much. We need to wait until we have more information. We get your results tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Then we just get through today and go from there."

"Ok."

"Come on. Let's get to work. We probably shouldn't be having this conversation in the precinct."

"Yeah, you're right."

* * *

"Katherine Castle?" The young nurse called out.

"Yes," Kate said standing and her and Castle headed over.

"Sorry no men are allowed back here," the nurse said gesturing to Rick.

"Oo Kelly, They're fine. We going to my office not back to the exam rooms," Dr. Wade said heading into the waiting room.

"Ok, sorry about that folks."

"No problem. It's a good rule," Castle said warmly.

"Right this way," Dr. Wade said pointing around the corner. They went down a short hallway to and entered her office.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Castle." Dr. Wade extended her hand.

"Yes, you too." He shook her hand.

"Please take a seat," Dr. Wade offered gesturing to the two chairs and taking sitting behind her desk. "I have good news. All of your tests results look fine. I don't see anything here to explain the miscarriage."

"So what do we do now?"

"Well, you have a couple of options. Right now, I would hold off on really doing anything but trying to conceive naturally. Kate, you mentioned that you had just started trying when you got pregnant?"

"Yeah, we weren't really actively trying."

"As I said before, it's common for it to take awhile for a couple to conceive. Based on what I'm looking at here," she said pointing to the stack of results. "I think that it would be best to give it some time before we try anything else. I understand, if you want to still see Dr. Archer and look at possible genetic issues, but right now I'm just not sure that is necessary."

"Yeah, ok. We can wait," Kate said softly.

"We don't have wait because of me. I know this is something that you wanted to do. I agree with Dr. Wade, but, Kate, we can do whatever you want," Castle spoke up looking at his wife.

"I just need to realize that there are some things I can't just investigate until I find the answer."

"We can dig deeper and look for those answers. It's an option. I just don't think we are at that point."

"Well you have time before the appointment, so think it over. You don't have to decide now," Dr. Wade offered.

"Thank You," Kate said standing.

"Yes, Thanks so much," Castle added.

"No problem. Don't hesitate to call if you have any questions."

* * *

"We can go if you want. I'll talk to my mother and get as much as we can. If we have to do some additional tests, it's fine."

"I think we should wait," Kate replied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I've always trusted Dr. Wade. Even when I was 16 and the concept of a gynecologist terrified me, I trusted her."

Castle nodded and gave her a small smile.

"I feel kinda of strange about trying to get pregnant again so quickly. I know I barely was, but that little life should count for something. I just keep pushing the thought out of mind, putting all my focus on a new baby, but for a short time at least I was pregnant, and I feel like we're doing some kind of injustice to that baby."

"I know what you mean. I kinda feel the same way."

"I just want to fix it, you know? But another baby doesn't really fix it."

"No, it doesn't"

That's when her resolve crumbled. Castle knew the breakdown was coming. She hadn't cried since the night she told him. He was almost glad she was letting it out. Not only because he hated it when she hide her feelings, but because he could let it out too. They hadn't spent time to mourn for the child they had lost, and it needed to happen.

* * *

Thoughts? Comments? I love reviews. Thanks for reading

Meagan


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